Hung Huang has always been in the shadow of her accomplished mother. Eager to exert her individuality, the well-known publisher was a young rebel, as told in her recently published autobiography, My Abnormal Life as a Publisher, writes Zhao Feifei.

Sure it's cool to have a pretty and smart mother, when you're young. As you grow older though it's not so easy dealing with the "Mom factor." The love-and-hate, complicated mother-and-daughter relationship has both inspired and hindered Hung Huang.

For a long period of time, Hung has been overshadowed: No matter how hard she tried, she seemed to be known only because of the people around her -- first her mother Zhang Hanzhi, a renowned diplomat, and her stepfather Qiao Guanhua, the former Chinese minister of foreign affairs. Then there is her ex-husband, Chen Kaige, one of China's outstanding filmmakers.

The 42-year-old has apparently been unhappy to remain in the shadow of this elite group. She's emerged from her shell and doesn't hold back in her autobiography, My Abnormal Life as a Publisher.

"I originally wanted to call it 'Me,'" says the publisher of three lifestyle magazines. "But my editor insisted that the book title should be more than one character."

Indeed, Hung is a person who understands the meaning of "abnormal." It starts from a revealing story about her name.

"When I was born, my grandfather named me Hung Mian," she says. "However, the local police station wrote down the wrong character. To my disbelief, my parents felt it was too much trouble to change it, so they let it stand as Huang, an extremely similar character to Mian."

At first glance, Hung seems to have every reason to be confident. She is from a prestigious family and was accustomed to the company of celebrities, beginning with her own parents. As it turned out, she was crushed by her own good fortune.

Hung's grandfather, Zhang Shizhao, was a renowned social reformer in the early 20th century. Hung's mother, Zhang Hanzhi, is also a legendary woman. She taught the late Chairman Mao Zedong English.

"When you inherit a legacy of distinguished family members, you feel obligated to become distinguished yourself," she says. "It seems to call for it. It can be a great motivation. There are definitely moments in my life where I am inspired by my grandfather and my mother. You feel proud to be part of the family and you want to live up to their expectations, or even turn a new page in the family album.

"On the other hand, it is a terrible pressure, I have felt that as well," she continues. "I always wonder why people like me, is it because of my family? Every time I date someone, there is always someone telling me, 'you know, he doesn't love you, he just wants your family's courtyard house.' It's horrible to hear that. I think it's cruel, but you have to live with it."

At 12, Hung was sent to study in the United States. She entered Vassar in New York State, a prestigious college that produced two first ladies in the US -- Eleanor Roosevelt and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.

Hung often makes self-disparaging remarks in public about her homely looks just because her mother is beautiful.

"For a girl, to grow up with a gorgeous mom can be a trying experience. I think I have a hang-up about that," she says. "I'd almost rather tell people first rather than hear them tell me. I suppose it is some weird kind of offensive defensive tactic."

There were difficult times in their mother-and-daughter relationship. Hung seemed to make it a point to date men her mother didn't like.

"I did it as part of my rebellion," she says. "I wanted to demonstrate I didn't care. I wanted to have my own life, all those silly teenage anxiety syndromes."

She didn't even tell her mother when she married the first time. She just gave her mother a call from the United States and said, "guess what mom, I got married."

Chen Kaige, who directed Farewell My Concubine, a big winner at the Cannes Film Festival, was Hung's second husband after she divorced her first husband, an American lawyer.

"When I started dating Chen, my mom was one of the first persons who advised me: 'Take him as your lover, but not your husband,'" she says. "I didn't listen, and look where I ended up. So, the lesson I learned is every girl should listen to her mother. Mother knows best."

After that she married again, this time, a French diplomat. It also didn't last. With a string of failed marriages, Huang is by no means afraid of falling in love again. Now she lives with her partner. They both have spouses but neither plan to divorce and remarry. "It's very strange and unorthodox, but we are all very happy," she says.

Away from her family and the soap opera like personal life, Hung has carved out a place in the competitive publishing industry.

Among the three magazines she currently runs, iLook is her flagship. It's a fashion and lifestyle magazine with a heavy emphasis on celebrities. Hung has another two licensed titles: Seventeen, which is for young women, and Timeout, a city guide.

Timeout Beijing was launched in May despite the SARS outbreak.

"We did it because we thought our job was to bring timely information to the residents of Beijing at all times," she says.

Now Hung's overriding interest is to bring lifestyle magazines to a higher level.

Writing remains Hung's main hobby. She contributes articles to Sanlian Life Weekly and sometimes to Newsweek. Someday she hopes to be able to do this full-time. Though it's hard to make bucks running magazines, she has stayed true to her passion.

"My motto is to live everyday to its fullest," she smiles. "I think a lot of people are so busy planning that they forget to live. I probably make the opposite mistake: I am so busy living that I have no plan. But that's the way I am."

(Eastday.com June 4, 2003)